MIDNIGHT VISIT (fiction PG/PG-13)

MIDNIGHT VISIT
by Neil Burns (Neilkold)

PG/PG-13 (?) some language

It was a rainy evening and a loud clap of thunder woke Alex West out of a restful
sleep. He was dreaming that he and his lovely British rival Lady Lara Croft were
vacationing in Tahiti. As he stirred, he noticed that he was immobilized. He also
noticed that he could not speak as something seemed to have blocked his mouth.
Suddenly, the light turned on and Alex looked up at the mirrored ceiling and saw
that the covers had been removed, revealing his UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI boxers,
and that he was tied to the bed and gagged with duct tape. He also saw that
the clock said midnight. 'What the hell is going on?' Suddenly, a low, throaty
laugh tickled his ears.

"Good evening, Mr. West." a very familiar posh, Buckinghamshire accent.

Alex turned to the voice's source and standing near the door, voluptuous and
athletic figure poured into a black skintight footed rubber catsuit, full red lips
curved into a canary-eating cat's grin, was one Lara Croft.

"Oh, Mr. West!" she cooed in a dead-on Southern accent. "I am just your
biggest fan! Could y'all be a dear and sign this lovely piece of crap you wrote?"

She folded her arms and put one hand under her chin as if thinking.

"Oh, yes," she said, her voice resuming its upper-class Buckinghamshire
accent. "I forgot. I am using the pages to line my new cat's litter box.
The only appropriate use for it."

Alex protested this treatment of his book THE RAIDING LIFE, but the tape
muffled his words. The Raider ignored this as she walked over, rubber-encased
feet padding across the floor, and planted herself on Alex's groin, leaning
forward to place her folded arms on his chest, her face inches from his.

"Then again, I suppose I could use it for reading material when I am in the loo
or I could use the pages to wipe my arse."

Again muffled, outraged protests as Lara chuckled as she lazily stroked the
American Raider's cheek while nasty fantasies danced in her head.

"Oh, Mr. Alexander Johnathan West." A wicked seductive purr stroked
his ears. "Whatever are we going to do with you? You look so cute and helpless
all tied up and helpless. I could just eat you up."

'Great. She's into S&M'.' Alex thought sarcastically.

"I must say I'm disappointed, Alex. I told you that if you cross me then we
can't be friends, yet you continue to do so. Why? I give you my love and
you shack up with some trollop who would gladly shag you. I visit ruins and
find priceless artifacts, at great personal risk, mind you, yet you steal it from
me and sell it. Why? What am I to you, Alex? Isn't my love enough?"

Suddenly, the playful Lara Croft vanished as her features hardened and
her eyes narrowed into chocolate slits as she slapped him hard across
the face. He protested the sudden slap, but she silenced him with a glare
that made the Arctic Circle seem like a tropical paradise.

"Tell me, West," she demanded. "Just what is my love to you? What am
I to you? Do we mean something together or am I just another one of your
whores? Some pretty fucktoy to play with and throw in the rubbish when
you're bored? Just what the hell am I!"

As the Tomb Raider glared at her American rival, thinking of all the times
he broke her heart and pretty much screwed her over, she thought of
that morning where she was in the bookstore and saw West's book THE
RAIDING LIFE. In it, he wrote that he rose to prominence under the
careful tutelege of Lord Richard Croft and that he had been to countless
digs and gather countless priceless artifacts. Of course, what he failed to
mention was that Lara visited the locations and found the artifacts.
He simply stole them from her and sold them to the highest bidder or he
was commissioned to collect them, thus affording him a comfortable
life. What bother Lara the most was that Alex would go on ARCHEOLOGY
KIDS, a children's show where they learned to appreciate the value and
beauty of ancient cultures, and lie to them.

"Tell me," the Raider continued after a lengthy silence. "Just how stupid
do you think people are? Do you REALLY think that they will just accept
that absolute CRAP that you wrote? Do you think they are so thick as
to blindly accept you're the second coming of Indiana Bloody Jones!
I hate to disillusion you, ducky, but my father would have had
abso-bloody-lutely NOTHING to do with you. NOTHING! We all know
that your 'discoveries' are pure ****! I found the items. You steal them
and pawn them off. Now you say that you were in China and that
you found the funeral mask of Princess Xia Lo Fan when we both
know you stole it from my hotel room." Lara took a breath or two
to calm down. "So, how much is Simon Powell paying you to bring
him the mask?"

Alex again protested his treatment and argued that he did not have
the mask. Suddenly, a cruel smile curled Lara's lips as she started
grinding her bottom against Alex's groin, arousing him.

"Of course," she purred, "if you told me where the mask was and
how much you're getting paid, I may forgive you. Also, you may
want to print a retraction on the novel and apologize for all the lies
you wrote. Or at least, have the decency to sell it as fiction."

Alex protested that he would do no such thing and reiterated that
he did not have the mask, but Lara simply smiled as she knew that
he kept it in the wall safe in his den and that she got the combination
from Alex when he was drunk one night. Suddenly, Lara pulled out a
commando knife from her gunbelt and cut the rope tying her rival's
right hand to the bed. She then held the hand while she placed the
knife in it.

"Now," she smiled. "I am trusting you to wait until I leave before
you free yourself. I enjoyed our chat, Alex. It helped to clear some
things up and get stuff off my chest. You are a good man, Alex, and
I do like you. However, you need to make smarter decisions that
benefit everyone and not do things for money and screw everyone
else."

She kissed Alex's cheek and patted it before she got off and walked
back toward the door before turning around with a playful, yet warm
smile on her face.

"I do like that chapter about me though. I guess we do have a
like/hate relationship. Good night, Alex."

Alex waited a good ten minutes after Lara left before cutting himself
loose and jumping off the bed, grabbing a rob and sprinting down
the hall and down the stairs to the den, cursing all the way about
how Lara humiliated him. As he entered the den, he saw the safe
open and empty. There was a note and a check on the desk.
The check was for twenty million dollars, twice the amount that
Powell was paying Alex to retrieve the mask. The American Raider
did not bother with the note, figuring it was just Lara Croft
gloating that she had the mask. He simply tore the note up and
dialed a number on his cellphone, leaving a message in Powell's
voicemail. Alex then walked back to his room to get back
to bed.

"Enjoy your laugh, Croft," Alex chuckled. "Just remember:
Payback's a bitch!"

ta-daa! my first tale. hope everyone likes it and there is a
smidge of language, hence the rating. anyway, I hope folks
like it and make comments. also, if anyone wans to illustrate
my tales, give me a yell. cool? more's on the way and any
ideas/suggestions are welcome. peace.

It's very good and funny!

I Enjoyed the story. although kids under 13 would read this under curiousity xD. I Have nothing negative about the story. i like it alot.